Conversation between myself and a friend online. I know it's kind of long, but we ended up riffing on superhero origin stories by the end of it and I thought you might enjoy it. He's icemanjkd, I'm nevyn917.
A pair of time-wasting slackards wrote: [16:11] nevyn917: i need to stop going to cnn.com for things to enlighten my day
[16:11] nevyn917: "Dad microwaved 2-month-old girl, cops charge"
[16:15] icemanjkd: yu
[16:15] icemanjkd: yum
[16:15] nevyn917: dude
[16:15] nevyn917: just...
[16:16] icemanjkd: there are several ways to react to the above
[16:16] nevyn917: "I hope she was tasty?"
[16:16] icemanjkd: one is with utter disgust for the human race
[16:16] nevyn917: i mean, i kind of try to stop my soul from sliding into any particular abyss when i can
[16:16] icemanjkd: which leads to depression and being bummed out
[16:17] nevyn917: no disgust for the human race
[16:17] nevyn917: more like compassion for the 2-month-old girl who isn't actually a plate of hash browns
[16:17] icemanjkd: Vonnegut has an essay about how people deal with tragedy
[16:17] icemanjkd: humor is one
[16:17] icemanjkd: way
[16:18] nevyn917: as you can see, i'm trying
[16:18] icemanjkd: yes
[16:18] icemanjkd: it's not easy to laugh at the horrific, but it eases the pain
[16:18] nevyn917: ...maybe she was actually a pile of hash browns
[16:18] nevyn917: she just *looked* like a baby
[16:18] nevyn917: yes, i think that must have been how it all went down
[16:19] icemanjkd: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea ... 2029375142
[16:19] nevyn917: that version of events will let me sleep through the night without vague feelings of horror
[16:19] icemanjkd: here, laugh
[16:19] icemanjkd: laugh
[16:19] icemanjkd: laugh
[16:20] nevyn917: yeah, actually this isn't so funny to me
[16:20] nevyn917: it would be, only i'm still paying medical bills for when i did the same thing
[16:20] icemanjkd: true
[16:20] nevyn917: but, uh, thanks for the effort!
[16:20] icemanjkd: the funny part is that the crooked hypocritical cop got caught
[16:21] nevyn917: but not charged
[16:21] icemanjkd: right...guess it's not so funny after all
[16:21] nevyn917: i mean i guess it is
[16:21] nevyn917: i'm sure everyone in his department had a good laugh
[16:21] icemanjkd: maybe we should watch the breakdancing kid-kicker again
[16:21] nevyn917: but, my sense of humor just doesn't work that way
[16:21] nevyn917: Hsi sent me that
[16:22] nevyn917: i refused to watch it because i actually went breakdancing the other night, and i don't want any proto-mad-skillz i may actually have to be aborted by fears of baby-kicking
[16:22] icemanjkd: you might want to
[16:23] icemanjkd: I doubt you would ever actually encounter a baby-kicking incident in real life
[16:23] nevyn917: ...i'd just feel bad for the baby, dude
[16:23] icemanjkd: it would be very difficult even if you were trying
[16:23] nevyn917: what did the guy do?
[16:23] nevyn917: miss a freeze, slip on a banana peel, careen on a patch of ice and kick a toddler in the teeth?
[16:23] nevyn917: assuming the toddler had any teeth to be kicked in
[16:24] icemanjkd: no, the kid just ran up to him while he was in the middle of a move
[16:24] nevyn917: oh
[16:24] nevyn917: hahahahaha
[16:24] nevyn917: ok, yeah
[16:24] nevyn917: link me up with that shit
[16:24] icemanjkd: one sec, I'll find it
[16:25] icemanjkd: http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=16465
[16:25] nevyn917: right, that was funny until the kid fucking flipped over
[16:25] nevyn917: like twice
[16:26] icemanjkd: kids are very resilient
[16:26] nevyn917: if you need me, i'll be in the corner with a blanket and a pacifier
[16:26] icemanjkd: you should have seen the shit I did when I was a kid
[16:26] icemanjkd: my brother through a homemade spear that hit me in the head
[16:27] icemanjkd: I jumped off of a haystack and broke one of my teeth in half
[16:27] nevyn917: and went through
[16:27] nevyn917: all the way
[16:27] icemanjkd: hahah
[16:27] icemanjkd: no, just stuck in
[16:27] icemanjkd: and hurt
[16:27] nevyn917: that must have been one hell of a sight in the e.r.
[16:27] icemanjkd: and that should have been "threw"
[16:27] icemanjkd: no ER, we didn't even tell our parents
[16:27] nevyn917: it's okay, for some reason i didn't even notice the grammar error
[16:27] nevyn917: aw
[16:28] icemanjkd: just waited for the worst of the swelling to go down
[16:28] nevyn917: i was really enjoying the mental image of someone actually in an e.r. with a spear stuck in their head
[16:28] icemanjkd: it had a yucca tip, which is slightly poisonous
[16:28] nevyn917: it would have just validated so, so many Far Side cartoons
[16:28] icemanjkd: my point is kids are tough
[16:28] nevyn917: yeah, i guess the kid was probably okay
[16:28] icemanjkd: that kid probably got up and kicked the guy in the balls
[16:29] nevyn917: or wandered over to a patch of coals and ate them
[16:29] nevyn917: all
[16:29] nevyn917: twice
[16:29] icemanjkd: the second time would he have to pull them out of....never mind
[16:29] nevyn917: out of...
[16:29] nevyn917: out of...
[16:30] icemanjkd: the ether
[16:30] nevyn917: hahahahahaha
[16:30] nevyn917: good save
[16:30] nevyn917: who knows what might have happened to our fragile psyches if you hadn't pulled that out
[16:30] nevyn917: ...of the ether
[16:31] nevyn917: as it were
[16:31] icemanjkd: yes
[16:31] nevyn917: well, i think my soul has healed up a bit
[16:31] icemanjkd: that's good
[16:31] nevyn917: and, you know, who knows, maybe that baby girl walked right out of that microwave with steam coming off her and kicked that guy's butt
[16:32] icemanjkd: it probably felt like a warm sauna
[16:32] nevyn917: it was actually a modern-day superhero origin story
[16:32] icemanjkd: yes
[16:33] nevyn917: when people are asking us twenty years from now how Nuclear Girl got her powers, we can walk around with an arrogant swagger on our faces and say we were there first
[16:33] icemanjkd: I wonder if a toaster oven would work for me? I could be "Wrathful Hand" or something.
[16:33] nevyn917: i suggest something involving suppositories
[16:33] icemanjkd: ooh
[16:34] nevyn917: people think that criminals fear superman
[16:34] nevyn917: but i can tell you right now that any superhero named "Suppository Guy" or similar would be the one to strike the real chills in the hearts of evildoers
[16:35] icemanjkd: "so, what exactly is your power?" "you don't want to know"
[16:35] nevyn917: "well, first i take this suppository and stick it straight up my" "you know that's really ok, i'm sure you're very, very powerful"
[16:36] icemanjkd: right
[16:36] icemanjkd: well
[16:36] nevyn917: yeah
[16:36] nevyn917: i think i kind of killed it
[16:36] icemanjkd: at least it died with a smile on it's face
[16:37] nevyn917: ...do tell me if you do ever gain superpowers via an irradiated suppository
[16:37] icemanjkd: roger that
[16:37] nevyn917: i think i'd have to hear about that at least once
[16:37] icemanjkd: you might have to buy me a drink first
[16:37] nevyn917: i'm tempted to actually think about what kind of real superpower accident i'd like to have
[16:37] nevyn917: but i should probably let you work or somethign
[16:37] nevyn917: "wrathful hand" is kind of a cool name though
[16:38] nevyn917: much better than "toaster fist"
[16:38] icemanjkd: yep, I should get back to wrathfully striking fear into design mockups
[16:38] nevyn917: righto
[16:38] nevyn917: catch you later, man
[16:38] icemanjkd: later
